we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
