Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
