You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize