I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
