1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
