yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
