Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize