Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My liver is preforming stress tests.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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