i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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