all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Randomize
