last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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