i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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