This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
