fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
