when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
