I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
