He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
