Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
