I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
