Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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