Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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