What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
