the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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