Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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