I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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