I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Quick, to the slutcave!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
