I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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