Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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