I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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