giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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