I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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