If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
