I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm both gender and math confused
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
