Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
