But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
