The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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