I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
