Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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