I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
