What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
