garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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