OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
