I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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