dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
