just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
