Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
