my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
