I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
