I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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