so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
