His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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