I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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