Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
