You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
