That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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