Dual....:-)
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
