plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
