Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
