If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dignity is for republicans.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just had sex on a roof
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
