hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
