OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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