im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
