I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
