Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
