Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
