hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
