I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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